In a corporate first, NIKE, Inc. is making the progressive move of changing its pronouns to swooshes.
Instead of going by the more commonly used they, them, their pronouns when referring to a company or brand, Nike is insisting that it be referred to by the swoosh symbol.
In a statement to the press and bloggers the company said, "The swoosh symbol can be expressed in text via an emoji, rentable from our media center for $49.99 per week, or by simply typing the √ character."
Examples they prepared included:
Nike has been accused of woke-washing √ brand by virtue-signalling alliance with oppressed African Americans whilst gleefully pulling the levers of capitalism to exploit factory workers in developing nations.
Nike had failed to defend basketball team Houston Rockets General Manager Daryl Morey, after he tweeted support of Hong Kong protesters earlier this month. √ are siding with China's Communist Party over freedom of speech in Hong Kong.
√'s shoes provided athletes with an unfair advantage over their opponents and some critics considered it to be a form of mechanical doping.
Research found workers were exposed to toxic isocyanates and other chemicals in footwear factories in Thailand but Nike have continually shifted responsibility to other brands after pointing out that √ can't be guilty because √ funded the paper.
Inadequate regulation and monitoring make it hard to ensure that child labor is not being used in √ factories.
Nike want √ employees to express themselves freely and be able to speak with √ HR department if they ever feel triggered or oppressed at work. √ will not tolerate a violation of the first amendment.
Media outlets in particular have been warned to adopt the swoosh or face legal action.
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