Business

BREAKING: China seizes assets of Russian oligarch from Compare The Meerkat.

China said it intended to sell the Oligarch's assets and use the money towards building schools in Taiwan, Tibet and Xinjiang.

EXCLUSIVE Interview with Bill Gates on eating elephants, the future and conspiracy theories

"I'm not worried, my plan is too grand for anyone important to take seriously. It sounds like conspiracy theory so that's what it will stay"

[LEAKED] Disney makes hostile takeover bid for Royal family brand

"Buy up an old fairy tale, rebrand it as a trilogy reboot for the kids and milk it for all its worth. Who doesn't wanna milk the Queen?"

[BREAKING] Nike changes pronouns to swooshes

The swoosh can be expressed in text via an emoji, rentable from our media center for $49.99 per week, or by simply typing the √ character.

[BREAKING] Gillette beats iPhone to 4 cameras AND throws in 20 razors!

The Camerazor has set the bar high and we only hope it will spur Apple to innovate a katana into their next iPhone design.

[EXCLUSIVE] Illuminati changes recruitment process in response to #BlackLivesMatter protests

Instead of focusing on the differences between people, we want to find a common denominator amongst humans and then exploit that thing.

Nike asks Americans to call 9-1-1 every time they see hate crimes on TV or "Just Do One"

Joe Biden was first to re-tweet the ad and warned all white Americans who failed to cry and then share it, that they "will never be black!"

[WARNING] Latest coronavirus thermometers will just shoot you if fever too high

"The thermo-gun device will gauge their temperature and automatically fire a single round into the skull if they are deemed to be feverish."

[LEAKED] Amazon Prime users will get autism-free vaccine earlier than non-subscribers

Alexa owners who speak to the device more than members of their household will also qualify for free shipping.

BREAKING: FTSE 100 will start trading memes to counter coronavirus crash

The move has been praised by analysts citing the meme economy's exponential growth in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic.

SHAMELESS: Durex slammed for Valentine's Day face masks saying "Share the love. Not the virus."

"They can roll one of their over-sized condoms over their heads and GET F**KED!" commented 说谎者

LEAKED: Durex to launch reversible condom to circumvent single-use plastic law

A prototype reversible condom was left at a bar by a forgetful product engineer, forcing Durex to confirm its latest line of enviro condoms.

HYPOCRITES: Green energy execs caught eating meat

Clean energy provider, CompostCo, faced backlash and embarrassment today after photos emerged of their executive team eating red meat & milk

WORLD FIRST: Tesla announces VEGAN car!

The car battery would only charge at points supplying ethically sourced electricity generated without any harm to animals, fish or insects.

Nike launches knee pad for anthem kneeling

Nike has launched the knee pads for athletes who wish to kneel during national anthems.