The Illuminati, a secretive group of powerful individuals known to influence world events, has made substantial reforms of their hiring policies in the hope that their evil plans for world domination will, in future, be more diverse.
The group launched their new, enlightened recruitment policy with a fresh ad campaign. In it they seem resolved to change their outdated targeting strategy and also address the issue of their all-white board.
David Blaine, acting as spokesperson on the official Illuminati blog, explained their new approach in light of the anti-racism movement gripping the world:
"For over 4000 years we have sought to bring the world under our control...and succeeded. But as useful as the racism weapon has been in achieving our goals, it is reaching diminishing returns.
Instead of focusing on the differences between people, we want to identify a common denominator amongst all humans...and then exploit that thing.
It is just good business sense. We want to unify the people. No races, only one sheeple."
Reaction to the move has been mostly positive with job-seekers praising the group's commitment to backing up their words with actions.
"I think this is something more companies should do if they want to attract talent. They essentially said 'hey, we are sorry, we won't prejudice anyone anymore. We simply want your soul no matter the colour.' That honesty is very attractive to me." said Jackie Vendido, an aspiring 5G engineer.
In a separate press release the group apologised for denying comedian, Dave Chapelle's application in 2005 and trying to have him killed instead.
In a public letter they expressed privileged guilt and asked him to re-consider joining their team, with stock options.
In a first for the covert club, the letter was signed by every member of their senior counsel: Jack Ma, Cancer man, Bill Gates, George Soros, Watson, Angela Merkel, Bono, Bill & Hillary Clinton, Cristiano Ronaldo, The Queen, Silvio Berlusconi, Rupert Murdoch, Eminem, The Rothschild family, Michael Jackson (who faked his own death), Dick Cheney, Jim Carey, The Rockerfellers, Pope Emeritus Josef Ratzinger and Joe Rogan.
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