In its latest effort to rebrand as a progressive and inclusive organisation, the Taliban have incorporated the LGBTQIA2+ rainbow colours into its own flag.
A member of the Taliban press corps affected a feminine voice whilst reading a prepared statement over Afghanistan National Radio.
"Brothers and birthing people and atheist sodomites, we welcome all of you to join us in building a Shariah caliphate," he said. "We are not the Taliban of our fathers. We are the Taliban of a new generation - we tolerate differences, we tolerate colours now."
"Whether you eat bread with your right or left hand or anus, we do not care. Love for Shariah is love, no matter the colour of your skin or your flag. To celebrate the dawn of a new Afghanistan for all men, we are changing our flag to lure out those hiding behind the homosexual furniture. Come out. We have changed, insha'Allah."
"After the next rains, nature will project the rainbow war paint across the sky. Please climb your roof and proudly shout your sins to the heavens for all your neighbours to hear. Then we will know where to find the spies, err, allies. Allies."
Western commentators were quick to denounce the broadcast as pure press manipulation and a thinly veiled attempt to locate and attack anyone who does not adhere to Shariah Law.
Some noted how socially aware the Taliban were attempting to be by repeating rhetoric they had undoubtedly encountered online, in that other perpetual conflict: the culture wars.
"We have broken the shackles of colonial slavery. Again! For twenty years the infidels would not allow us to whip disobedient women. They forbid us from basic freedoms like stoning teenagers who dance. We suffered the indignity of having to listen to music and watch girls go to school."
"So we understand the plight of perverts. We know how you persecuted degenerates feel. But we bring a message of hope: if we can defeat the cis-white-hetero-capitalists then so can you!"
The Taliban's Twitter account now features the new flag and the organisation's preferred pronouns (he/him). The post read:
"We are not like the imperialist corporations who pink-wash their logos during Pride Month. We are proud too. And we believe pride is something to celebrate every day not just during Pride Month. Every day should be a #PrideMarch to Kabul military barracks where you can register and use the pronoun neutral bathroom outside."
"Or fill out this form with your details and accurate GPS coordinates."
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