World

BREAKING: China seizes assets of Russian oligarch from Compare The Meerkat.

China said it intended to sell the Oligarch's assets and use the money towards building schools in Taiwan, Tibet and Xinjiang.

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BREAKING: Taliban add Pride rainbow to flag

Brothers and birthing people and atheist sodomites, we welcome all of you to join us in building a Shariah caliphate.

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NASA Mars rover outsources scientific experiments to Chinese rover. Turns focus to mining Bitcoin.

Zhurong will be paid in Bitcoin which Perseverance has been learning about online and intends to mine from the surface of Mars.

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Asking to remove pineapple from pizza to be a hate crime under new racism laws.

Those who refuse the pineapple are refusing the very essence of Hawaii, tough on the outside but fruity inside (too fruity for some).

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Missing Tower of London raven turns up at Capitol Hill

"She's here to burn it all down so we can start again from scratch. At least we'll all be equal then."

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EXCLUSIVE Interview with Bill Gates on eating elephants, the future and conspiracy theories

"I'm not worried, my plan is too grand for anyone important to take seriously. It sounds like conspiracy theory so that's what it will stay"

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[BREAKING] Trump and Biden both win and agree to share power as Co-Presidents

Melania Trump and Jill Biden will also assume co-First Lady seats and, in a remarkable show of unity, agreed to share each other's husbands.

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[BREAKING] Nike changes pronouns to swooshes

The swoosh can be expressed in text via an emoji, rentable from our media center for $49.99 per week, or by simply typing the √ character.

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[BREAKING] N. Korea 'communist lottery' winner to pay the state a record $11.5 million

Mr. Chun-Yong has been working triple shifts and sleeping in the cremation room 'because it's warmer in there lately.'

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JK Rowling deletes 'Get Well Soon' tweet to Trump and Melania

"I used to think you were one of us. A decent, kind and most of all, humane ally. But this...this is too far."

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[EXCLUSIVE] Illuminati changes recruitment process in response to #BlackLivesMatter protests

Instead of focusing on the differences between people, we want to find a common denominator amongst humans and then exploit that thing.

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Nike asks Americans to call 9-1-1 every time they see hate crimes on TV or "Just Do One"

Joe Biden was first to re-tweet the ad and warned all white Americans who failed to cry and then share it, that they "will never be black!"

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[BREAKING] Cosmonauts confuse SpaceX colleague for possessed Tesla Starman and ATTACK

"When i saw tovarisch Bob come through the airlock my spine went to Siberia."

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BREAKING: UK begins human trials on 5G vaccine

They are pushing ahead with the world's first human trials on a vaccine and therapy rumoured to involve foil condoms.

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BREAKING: Psychic medium tests positive after channeling person who died from COVID-19

Nicholas Aujula, a psychic medium, is the first person to have contracted the coronavirus from speaking to a recently deceased victim.

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BREAKING: FTSE 100 will start trading memes to counter coronavirus crash

The move has been praised by analysts citing the meme economy's exponential growth in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic.

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EXCLUSIVE: Harvey Weinstein releases script for biopic where Trump PARDONS him at the end

The script for #MeToo Quick To Judge, portrays the imprisoned film producer as a victim of antisemitism.

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BREAKING: Lunar astronauts confirm first coronavirus case

Space doctor, Khaled Shianbao said in a statement on Friday that this was the first confirmed case outside of the world’s borders.

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BREAKING: Iranian man arrested at airport with entire NUKE built into millennial sneakers

Leaders from around the world are condemning the actions of the terrorist but also the fashion trends of millennials for enabling him.

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BREAKING: Trump donating 500 nukes to Australia "for them to fight fire with FIRE!"

He tweeted that the USA would be donating 500 nuclear weapons to Australia for it to obliterate the bush fires once and for all.

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