An international incident was narrowly avoided after cosmonauts aboard the International Space Station (ISS) hastily apologised for attacking the first SpaceX visitor.
The cosmonauts blamed their actions on their state-of-mind and the appearance of their visitors. The Russians have been in space for over 6 months with nothing but sci-fi horror novels for company on the inside and Tesla's Starman driving around the vacuum of space outside.
Starman is a mannequin inside a Tesla Roadster which was launched into space in 2018 as a SpaceX cargo test and Elon Musk prank on the cosmos.
The Starman is dressed in the same spacesuit that astronauts Bob Behnken and Douglas Hurley have to wear the entire time they are in space, at the orders of Musk, even whilst showering.
"We are haunted by the spectre of Starman every night," said cosmonaut Anatoli Ivanishin offering an explanation for the unprovoked attack. "We have both had the same recurring nightmare where he crashes his car into the station and headbutts us to death. He is no comrade of ours." Ivan Vagner added, "When i saw tovarisch Bob come through the airlock my spine went to Siberia. Same like when I consider the faceless Starman stalking the galaxy with murder on the brain and one hand on the wheel."
Bob says he understands why they attacked his genitals and tried to throw him out into the wastes of space but has not forgiven them. NASA acknowledged his complaint and replied with a link to some tips to manage his mental health.
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