Missing Tower of London raven turns up at Capitol Hill

In what's being described as a dark omen, the missing Tower of London raven has reappeared in the seat of power of the United States.

Merlina, the raven, has been missing from her royal London residence for several weeks during which time it is assumed she was flying across the Atlantic Ocean to the scene of the recent US insurrection.

She has arrived just days ahead of the inauguration of Joe Biden as the 46th President of the republic, which could be a coincidence or a "very dark omen" according to the White House's Scryer General (@SCROTUS).

"We have thrown the bones and researched the sacred texts of our founding fathers for the meaning of this unusual event...and whilst it eludes us, it is undoubtedly shrouded in darkness."

"Merlina is a powerful spirit," explained the country's most decorated soothsayer. "She has come to deliver a message. Or the latest strain of the coronavirus. Or God knows what, all I'm saying is, there's a reason they don't put ravens in Disney movies."

He stopped short of repeating the apocalyptic predictions coming out of Q-Anon forums today. Some of the heterodox prophecies being shared by followers include:

• "Merlina is here to herald the reign of a DARK LORD and the END TIMES!"

• "Joe Biden's spirit animal has shown up to the Capitol early!"

• "This is an act of war by the British - our old ally but even older ENEMY! 1776 will commence again!"

• "Merlina is an anagram for Mr. Alien #nocoincidences"

• "The word raven in Chinese is similar to their word for NUKE"

• "The word raven in California is similar to their word for RAPIN'"

Equally catastrophic notions are trending on Liberal Twitter:

• "I don't know how but this is something to do with Parler and they need to #CANCELTHATBIRD before it's too late!"

• "Oh, hi, climate crisis incarnate."

• "She's here to burn it all down so we can start again from scratch. At least we'll all be equal then."

• "Finally, the end of neoliberalism is nigh. Merlina is here for billionaire blood!!"

• "It's cool, she's here to peck Trump's eyes out and his tiny hands off if he tries to grab another pussy."

• "Why does it have to mean bad news? Because she's black? A black female? Typical."

Only time will tell if we have received a feathered friend or foe. For the moment she appears to enjoy bathing in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool and shitting in the statue's lap.