JAXA, the Japanese Space Agency, has achieved the remarkable. Three months after landing their spacecraft onto asteroid Hayabusa2, they have received data from soil sample analysis and confirmed traces of HIV AIDS on the asteroid surface.
"We were hoping to find water," said a spokeswoman, "but instead we discovered an STD."
The agency has speculated that far from the prevailing scientific theory, that AIDS was first transferred to humans after sexual interaction with jungle apes, it may have come to this planet on the back of an asteroid penetrating the Earth's atmosphere millions of years ago.
Commentary on Japanese social media has reached fever pitch on the possibility of this discovery proving that intelligent extraterrestrials are attacking us with biological weaponry.
Calls for top-secret UFO files to be released have grown from the public and even within NASA and other US government departments including the U.S. Airforce.
"Have I been wearing condoms for nothing this whole time?" shouted a protester outside the International Space Station.
Further analysis on the asteroid has been halted until JAXA can figure out how to carry out more tests safely.
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