Robert Mugabe, who was thought to have died on Friday 6 September, is alive and well, it has been claimed by a source at the Singapore hospital where he was receiving treatment for advanced syphilis.
Leaked documents reveal that the former Zimbabwean dictator faked his own death to concentrate on his consultancy business: currently advising China on combating and eliminating Hong Kong protesters.
The ailing former freedom fighter first became aware of the situation in Hong Kong from watching local news channels in his $3,000-a-night Singapore hospital bed.
Spotting an opportunity to jump back into clandestine politics and commanding secret police, the nonagenarian didn't waste time in contacting the Chinese government and Hong Kong police force.
"After he won the bid he was so excited! It was like he was seventy again," said the source. "We had to stop him from firing his AK into the ceiling."
To shake off any distractions and paparazzi, Mr. Mugabe instructed his wife and team of confidantes to arrange for the fake death press release and funeral.
Grace Mugabe's recent battle with Zimbabwe's current ruler, Emerson Mnangagwa, over the details of her husband's state funeral are intended to further distract from Robert's battle with pro-democracy protesters.
Commenting on the police's use of excessive force, sources said, "Why do you think the police are now using teargas indoors and water cannons? It's because of Mugabe, he has taken the reigns. It's not his first rodeo."
If you have any footage or photos of Mugabe operating from Singapore, Hong Kong or mainland China, please add them to comments below.
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