England rugby coach, Eddie Jones, usually instructs his men to "grunt politely, like gentlemen" when engaged in the scrum but for the Rugby World Cup final against the Springboks, he has a few new surprises.
The rugby scrum has long been a place for physical displays of attrition but even more so, psychological warfare. Pundits put the All Blacks domination of the game for the last two decades down to their superior scrum smack-talk.
We have learnt, from a source at their final training session, that England are planning on using these derisive remarks in the huddle:
1. Crying hysterically just like Oscar Pistorius did at his trial.
2. Reminding the South Africans what language their country name is in.
3. Promising to buy property in Cape Town and drive up house prices.
4. Pointing out that Nelson Mandela was technically on parole.
5. Asking the black players if they're being paid the same as their white teammates.
That sure is fighting talk - we can't wait to see the England team's reaction.
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