A visibly worried Mark Zuckerberg has been snapped surfing in full whiteface during his Illuminati initiation.
The tech billionaire, who paid an undisclosed amount of money to join the secretive group, was forced to perform a humiliating and potentially life-threatening stunt "to prove how much he wants it" according to Illuminati scout, David Blaine.
"Yeah so what if he's rich, it's not enough. Even if Mark has hijacked the dopamine receptors of over two billion people with his apps, that's still not enough. The little cracker needs to show us he's prepared to stare death in the face before he gets to sip from our sacred gourd of infant blood."
An insider has revealed to this publication that Mark was given his task at a secret ceremony held within a Hawaiian sea cave at midnight the previous day. The Illuminati head council requested Mark's presence and urine sample after his joining fee reached their Panama bank account. They handed him a scroll with instructions and a single firefly in a jar promising a lot more Illumination should he pass their test.
Mr. Zuckerberg, founder, chairman and CEO of Facebook Inc, and worth over $88 billion but apparently still desperate enough to impress his conspiracy friends, applied the whiteface and surfed past a boat of KKK fishermen.
"The boat of KKK guys lost their minds," according to a witness. "He might have got away with it but when they saw his hoodie there was no mistaking it was Mr. Zuckerberg...and by the way, they do not like Jews."
"They started yelling anti-Semite stuff but also crying and Mr. Zuckerberg looked really uncomfortable. He knew he had insulted their identities and hurt their feelings, y'know, so he tried to give them some Likes and promised to give them blue ticks on Instagram but they were inconsolable. I saw one of the fishermen put a flare gun in his mouth and when he pulled the trigger there was smoke everywhere and i couldn't see what happened after that."
It is unclear whether 'the Zuck' passed his test. Illuminati historians are combing over his recent Facebook posts for subtle signs which will indirectly but indisputably prove the founder has been killed and replaced with a clone that is trying to get Donald Trump re-elected.
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