The former Miss World winner has published a manifesto on her Instagram outlining the criteria men must meet if they wish to single-handedly scroll through her images.
"It has come to my attention that many men out there are using my online photos and videos to molest themselves," she started. "Most of these men do not know me nor the high standards i set for myself and expect from others. If my husband has to abide by these rules, to be able to sneak a snake shake whilst watching me ignore him, then so will all of you!"
The multi-award winning actor, singer and film producer stopped short of outlawing the penile practice altogether but set some ball-busting benchmarks for men to beat before they joined her elite club of active admirers.
Men will have to meet these ten criteria:
Clean shaven
Wearing gloves
6 pack or above (abs, not beer)
More money in the bank than hairs on the palm
Donate $1 to a charity for the blind before each session
Say a prayer of gratitude (after washing hands)
A current or past gun license
No more than one long pinkie fingernail
Able to tell difference between snake-skin and alligator shoes
Permission from school teacher or parent
At the time of writing it was unclear how contenders were being vetted or approved but Priyanka finished with a warning that "non-compliance (would) lead to public shaming and even sanctions. I will not be your masturbatrophy wife. Not for nothing. #masturbatrophywife #not4nothing"
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