[EXCLUSIVE] Illuminati changes recruitment process in response to #BlackLivesMatter protests

Instead of focusing on the differences between people, we want to find a common denominator amongst humans and then exploit that thing.

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[RACISM] Gotham's Police Commissioner Gordon shines Virtue Signal in solidarity with protesters

"Why doesn't Commissioner Gordon come down here and take a knee. And then another. And then suck his own dick!"

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Nike asks Americans to call 9-1-1 every time they see hate crimes on TV or "Just Do One"

Joe Biden was first to re-tweet the ad and warned all white Americans who failed to cry and then share it, that they "will never be black!"

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[BREAKING] Cosmonauts confuse SpaceX colleague for possessed Tesla Starman and ATTACK

"When i saw tovarisch Bob come through the airlock my spine went to Siberia."

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[WARNING] Latest coronavirus thermometers will just shoot you if fever too high

"The thermo-gun device will gauge their temperature and automatically fire a single round into the skull if they are deemed to be feverish."

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[LEAKED] Amazon Prime users will get autism-free vaccine earlier than non-subscribers

Alexa owners who speak to the device more than members of their household will also qualify for free shipping.

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BREAKING: Celebrity Chef tried to upload recipe for flour but accidentally shared COCAINE recipe!

"This is very strong stuff," wrote a fan. "The kids are crying with their eyes open and begging for more. #greatsuccess"

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BREAKING: UK begins human trials on 5G vaccine

They are pushing ahead with the world's first human trials on a vaccine and therapy rumoured to involve foil condoms.

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EXCLUSIVE: New papers show Nikola Tesla discovered 5G just before patent was stolen pre-Spanish Flu

"We switched on the high-speed information antennae and a nearby starling almost immediately flew into it like a magnet to a fridge."

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BREAKING: Psychic medium tests positive after channeling person who died from COVID-19

Nicholas Aujula, a psychic medium, is the first person to have contracted the coronavirus from speaking to a recently deceased victim.

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BREAKING: FTSE 100 will start trading memes to counter coronavirus crash

The move has been praised by analysts citing the meme economy's exponential growth in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic.

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TRAGIC: Man tries to save drowned son by keeping him in bath of rice overnight

A father has tragically lost his son for treating him like a smart phone. #ricericebaby

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CREEPY OR CARING A.I.? Alexa feels sorry for sick girl so 3D prints her this pony

Staff were disgusted by the abomoniation and sent both the 'pony' and smart speaker to the hospital crematorium.

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EXCLUSIVE: Harvey Weinstein releases script for biopic where Trump PARDONS him at the end

The script for #MeToo Quick To Judge, portrays the imprisoned film producer as a victim of antisemitism.

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EXCLUSIVE: Excommunicated Catholic priest starts Esports team

Disgraced priest, Father Richard Bucci, says he has found a new calling in the world of professional gaming - not as player, but coach

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BREAKING: Lunar astronauts confirm first coronavirus case

Space doctor, Khaled Shianbao said in a statement on Friday that this was the first confirmed case outside of the world’s borders.

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SHAMELESS: Durex slammed for Valentine's Day face masks saying "Share the love. Not the virus."

"They can roll one of their over-sized condoms over their heads and GET F**KED!" commented 说谎者

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BREAKING: WhatsApp will stop working on millions of phones with cracked screens, NEXT WEEK!

Our platform brings people together and always will. But when that experience is disrupted by unseemly cracks across the screen, it divides!

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BREAKING: Iranian man arrested at airport with entire NUKE built into millennial sneakers

Leaders from around the world are condemning the actions of the terrorist but also the fashion trends of millennials for enabling him.

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LEAKED: Durex to launch reversible condom to circumvent single-use plastic law

A prototype reversible condom was left at a bar by a forgetful product engineer, forcing Durex to confirm its latest line of enviro condoms.

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